On Talking to People

In conversations, bring the good out of people and avoid arguments. On the idea of talking to people, Jean de La Bruyère said: “The true spirit of conversation consists more in bringing out the cleverness of others than in showing a great deal of it yourself; he who goes away pleased with himself and his own wit is also greatly pleased with you. Most men … seek less to be instructed, and even to be amused, than to be praised and applauded”.

Your task is simple: instill in people a feeling of inner security. Mirror their values; show that you like and respect them. Make them feel you appreciate their wisdom and experience. Generate an atmosphere of mutual warmth.  

— Robert Greene, The Laws of Human Nature

And avoid the urge to win arguments. This is a hard one for most of us, but wisdom encourages restraint from arguing. In The Laws of Human Nature, Robert Greene reminds us that Winning arguments is rarely worth the effort. There is a parallel between this and a line from “How to Win friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie “:

“I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument— and that is to avoid it."      

— Dale Carnegie